The Kohler Veil isn’t just a toilet—it’s what happens when a toilet gets a college degree, a six-figure income, and starts judging every other toilet in the house.

You sit down and the seat is heated. HEATED! Meanwhile, your old toilet has been freezing your backside since the Clinton administration.

Then comes the bidet wash. Warm water, adjustable settings, followed by warm air drying. At this point, I’m not sure whether I’m using the bathroom or checking into a luxury resort.

Automatic flushing? Of course. Apparently, pushing a handle is now considered manual labor.

This thing even has a remote control. A REMOTE CONTROL FOR YOUR TOILET! My first television didn’t have a remote, but now apparently my rear end gets one.

Is the Kohler Veil expensive? Yep. So is a Cadillac. Nobody buys a Cadillac because a wheelbarrow will also get you down the road.

Once you use a Veil, a regular toilet feels like squatting over a five-gallon bucket at deer camp.

Kohler Veil: because apparently even pooping can be first class. 😂🚽